Hey there to anyone who’s still out there following Copious Notes and hoping I update this place. It’s been just under two months and I’ve finally blown the dust off this place to get some new words out there to everyone.
Right now, writing this update almost makes me sad because I can feel the loss in my writing passion. I used to pride myself on updating here almost daily and now posts come trickling in every once in a blue moon.
I also feel that I’ve lost almost all the amazing connections I worked so hard to make during 2008. While I do see updates from people on Facebook, there really isn’t much interaction. At least, not as much as there used to be. I miss Melanie, Janna, Jenn, Auria, and everyone else who I became ‘friends’ with in this crazy writing world. I miss everyone. I miss the community I immersed myself in. I miss AbsoluteWrite.com and the time I spent there having fun with such great people.
This isn’t to say that I’ve been doing nothing or that my life isn’t filled with other things. My evenings are spent with my wife, relaxing. My days off consist of recording new episodes of my podcast with my best friend and also relaxing with whatever I want to work on. The main issue is that writing has taken a major backseat in my life right now. I’m not happy about it.
A few weeks ago I received a card in the mail from my Alma Mater about their annual “Summer Writers Week” coming up in June. My first thought was that I should attend and really get some skill-building done. Then reality set in: how can I attend a week-long writers conference when I don’t write? I also think the time, money and effort required to attend would be too much, especially when the school is about 2-hours away. That’s far when I have a wife at home.
So where does this leave me? Where does this leave my writing? For starters, I haven’t forgotten about it. My headset for dictation sits right next to me on my desk, just waiting to be used. This blog is on my Bookmarks Bar in Firefox & Safari, waiting to be updated. Spirit Hackers, it’s research and its outline have their claimed place on my desk as well.
My old work schedule when I worked nights, allowed me so much free time during the day that I was able to get a lot done. The flip-side was that I never saw my wife. I’d wake up at 9:30 or 10 am and then I had about 4-5 hours of whatever I wanted. I could get tons done and I usually did. I won’t lie though. I didn’t like the toll it took on me emotionally and the strain it put on my young marriage. The time apart from my wife was something I never could adjust to.
One issue that I think contributes to everything is my constantly-rotating shift at work. Every 6-months my schedule changes, making routines hard to establish. I know I can blame everything on it out of lazyness, but I won’t. I can just acknowledge it as a big reason.
In addition to writing, I’ve also been bad with the gym. That was another victim of my work changes. The gym is a distant memory, having stopped about six months ago. I struggle with figuring that out again as well.
So where does that leave me? Where do we go from here? I know I want to write. I know I want my life to be in order, the way I want it to be. I know I have people I can count on and most importantly I know I have the skills and tools to succeed if I apply myself.
I’ve said it before a thousand times and I’ll say it here: If you want something bad enough, you’ll make it happen. I need to heed my own advice when it comes to my priorities and make it happen. So for now, I will plan out what changes I have to make in my life to accommodate my goals and come back here refreshed and ready to take on the world once more.
For now, I want to let everyone know that I truly appreciate the friends I’ve made along the way and you have not been forgotten. I may not be around like I was not too long ago, but I am not gone for good. Thank you so much for all the help so far and I hope to re-connect with everyone out there. Thanks for hearing me ramble.
“The world, so hard to understand is the world you can’t live without.” -Billy Corgan
Sheesh, has it really been 2 months? I guess I hadn’t realized, because I DO still see you on FB.
You’ve had a lot of change the last couple months, so go easy on yourself. We all need to adjust sometimes, and during that process our ambitions can seem uprooted. Just know it’s there, and you’ll pick it back up when the time is right; your head (and heart) just isn’t in it now.
I completely agree with the sentiment that if you want it badly enough, you’ll make it happen. Writing is that commitment you have to take seriously — but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a hiatus once in awhile. Soon enough the fire you’re feeling in the pit of your stomach (probably now associated with guilt or disappointment that you haven’t done anything) will flare up as desire and motivation, and you’ll be on your way once again.
What’s most important now is life and your marriage. And the craft of writing, like a healthy marriage, can take time and coddling. Just know you have time, and don’t rush it for the sake of doing it. Don’t give up!
Hey Janna! Thanks so much for commenting. Seriously, it has been almost two months and seeing that made me realize I *HAD* to update C.N. to at least get something out to everyone explaining what is happening with me.
I really appreciate your insight and thoughts. I never thought of writing in the terms of a relationship. Looking at it from that perspective makes tons of sense and perhaps that will help transform the smoldering ashes of my writing drive into the bonfire it was in ’08.
I promise not to give up and to keep on keepin’ on. I can’t thank you enough for commenting. 🙂
“I miss Melanie, Janna, Jenn, Auria…”
Um, why is my name last on the list???
Auria, I guess I should have went in alphabetical order. hehe. Sorry, nothing personal at all against you. 🙂
It’s good to hear from you…I know I checked back a couple of times, and wondered how you were. Thanks for the post. You were very honest about where you stand writing-wise, which is refreshing. I actually think I understand where you’re coming from. I had a painful/surprising revelation about my writing life this past month, and I’ve been taking it real slow since then, even though everything screams at me to “push through” this and “just write.”
Moral of the story is, just take your time figuring it out. If you feel like you need to be writing, then you should work on that – but don’t do it because you’re supposed to. you know?